Deep Dive: Being Alone in Happy Solitude
By Kathleen Salazar
It’s springtime here in NYC, and with that comes a regeneration of activities in which to engage. Whether it's a picnic, group hike, or brunch to attend, there is no lack of social activity all around us. Being part of the queer community, we need our tribes and social support systems to thrive in our environments. However, while this time brings us out of our winter cocoon and back into the world again, spring can also serve as a reminder to spend the warming moments by ourselves to replenish. We can allow the blossoming of spring to bring us into our fullest selves this season. Below are some ways to engage with a happy solitude.
1. Open ears
When walking down the street or waiting for traffic or the train, we find ourselves reaching more and more for things to help us pass the moments of the mundane quicker and quicker. For myself, this often manifests as putting my headphones on and tuning out. Even on casual walks to the grocery store, I find myself reaching for the phone to listen to a podcast as I pick out the week's haul. So as we try and tune into ourselves more, the first tip is to engage with your environment fully without any distractions. Whether you’re going for a walk to get some fresh air or heading out on your commute, try and let yourself be curious about what is around you. Engaging with your surroundings without distractions can help you discover what makes you curious about the world and how you cultivate that curiosity while being present.
2. Solo Date
Presence in the everyday moments can allow us to find peace and find new clarity with our surroundings. So what happens when we bring that same principle to the things we already know nourish us? Being selfish for the sake of self nourishment is a joyful and necessary act of love. It lets us know that not only are we important, but that the things we care deeply about are important as well. As you find moments of solitude, allow one where you treat yourself to a solo activity. For some, it is finally trying that recipe you’ve been thinking about, and for others it's spending hours alone in a bookshop or cafe poring over a latest read with a delicious beverage. Whatever it is, schedule out time for a solo activity. As previously stated, the more you give importance to the things that truly nourish your humanity, the more important and nourishing those activities of joy and love become.
3. Spring Cleaning
We’ve all heard of spring cleaning as a time to get rid of the clutter that we have been keeping over the years. This can often be associated with donating old clothes or finally giving the kitchen and the apartment the touch up they’ve been needing for some time. While a tangible environment that is clean and organized can bring clarity to the mind, spending solo time to reflect on new systems of organization for oneself can be just as impactful. This is the time to sit down, bring out the pad and paper, and look over and maybe change the goals we have for the upcoming year. New Year's resolutions can often be associated with stress and strict commitment (not to mention a wide range of resolutions unfortunately being tied up in diet culture). As with the previous two tips, reorganizing and decluttering can be used instead as solo reflection for what feels important to you. What do you want to keep cultivating or make important? Rather than feeling the need to put down rigid goals with specific outcomes, perhaps reflecting on what you are excited about or what you are curious to look into could be a more fulfilling use of your time. You can still put on your favorite jams and get the old clothes to donate, but give yourself a self pampering or reflection as well.
Being alone is difficult. We are still dealing with the collective trauma of moving through a pandemic and being isolated for so long. Unfortunately, in the wake of that collective healing, we are also dealing with an uptick of queer folks (and specifically children) being used as political devices in the media. It can feel like a doom scrolling carousel that never ends some days. This is why moments of our solitude are so important. Being with yourself is a gift, and queer folks need to remind themselves that as often as possible. The community needs to support us, and we need tools to know our minds and spirits create beauty within ourselves that no one can take away. Q
