The End Of An Era
As I graduated high school in 2014, I wasn’t quite sure what was to come. I wasn’t going to be enjoying one last summer in the city as I packed my bags in preparation for the long-haul away to my dream campus like many of my friends. Instead, I was in limbo– wanting to go away but unable to afford it and stuck at home with no real plan of what that meant for my future as a student or career. At the time, I wanted to continue studying journalism and become a well-known columnist. I really enjoyed writing reviews and think pieces for my school paper and it felt like something I could see myself doing long-term.
Before the news was broken to me, I had my eyes set on a college in Connecticut with a journalism program that seemed promising. Unfortunately, a few weeks before college decision day, I was informed that my family wouldn’t be able to afford to send me away to school leaving me disappointed, upset, ashamed, and confused about what my next steps would be. I eventually was accepted to and enrolled at Baruch College with the intention of starting a business. My dream of being a journalist was crushed along with my acceptance letter to the school that I ultimately did not attend.
In theory, starting my own business sounded great. I had always been independent, creative, and had a knack for leadership. However, once I began taking my classes and got a hold of the curriculum for the rest of my degree, I jumped ship the moment I saw the word calculus. As excited as I was about this new potential future, I knew that math and I were not great friends. “I don’t need a business degree to be a successful business owner,” I told myself as I reevaluated which major to declare. From that point on, I really struggled to find my place, not only at school but in the world.
A college degree had always been something that I aspired to and that had been expected of me both from my family and from my peers/educators. I was smart and wanted big things for myself, but I just wasn’t confident about what that “big” thing would actually be. Through various up and down periods of my life since starting college in 2015, I struggled to maintain tunnel vision and graduate. It started to become this distant dream and no longer felt like something that was rightfully mine. With all of the roadblocks I had hit along the way, dropping out twice, and still not entirely positive that I was cut-out for the life I wanted, I felt lost in a bigger picture that wasn’t fully colored in.
Like many of us today, my life took a hard pivot at the beginning of 2020, but in addition to dealing with a global pandemic, I had just ended a three-year relationship, I had a new living arrangement, was trying to sort through friendship issues and situationship issues, I lost my job, all while feeling entirely isolated. I was severely depressed and life felt harder than ever to keep up with all-while being entirely stagnant. I needed a change–something positive to bring me out of the hole that I had found myself in.
Unemployed and finally having a ton of free time, I decided to re-enroll in college, this time at an online campus that offered flexible learning in the event that I found a job while still studying. With few distractions, I was able to throw myself back into my studies. Albeit, I had to switch majors because my new online campus didn’t offer what I had last been studying. The fall after the George Floyd riots, I was now a sociology major and became quickly enveloped in what I was learning. I finally felt at home in a discipline and was so excited about the implications of that.
I sit here today, at the end of my marathon. Just three months away from graduating college and it feels surreal. Over the past two years, I’ve held a 4.0 GPA, I’ve participated in a University-wide LGBTQIA Advocacy Academy and a Leadership development academy, I’ve interned at the ACLU twice, and I’ve finally begun to see the “big things” that I had always dreamed of come to fruition. I feel immensely blessed to have been able to go on this journey because it is a testament that all wonderful things in life require trust and patience to achieve. Though I doubted myself a few times, I never fully gave up and that is something that I try to remind myself of, especially now that I am finally at the end of an era. Noone’s journey is identical, but they are all beautiful and full of meaning if we allow them to unfold in their own timing.
