After two years of missed or socially distanced gatherings, many of us are finally getting together later this month with the entire family to celebrate our favorite holidays. If you’re lucky enough for that to be your chosen family, then don you all your gay apparel and get to the fun-having with gusto.

If it’s not, that might set you up for some nuclear family meltdowns as you gather together on the couch with Mom—and her new, much younger husband Gerard. And Aunt Tilly, with her MAGA incel son Jeremy in tow. And all six of your adorable nieces and nephews will be there! With all their sticky, germy hands reaching into the pumpkin pie. Here’s some tips to help you keep your cool.

Don’t panic! There’s a tried-and-true way to get through the holidays with family, and it’s not (just) booze! But we might as well start with booze:

Don’t overindulge! If you rarely or never drink, now is absolutely not the time to start. Have a soft drink or a fancy mocktail. If you do drink, go for something light and festive, like a cranberry gin spritzer. Have a seltzer every other round so you don’t say something you’ll regret. 

Don’t talk politics! Agree ahead of time with your family to keep politics, religion, and the price of gas out of your mouths when you’re together. Chances are, everyone at the table isn’t going to have the same point of view as yourself, and sometimes family unity has to win out over how insanely stupid your niece’s husband in the Coast Guard is being on Facebook right now. Give yourself the gift of family harmony. You can always pick up the fight on Monday. 

Be understanding if your family doesn’t ‘get it.’ That’s not to say y’all shouldn’t be y’alls natural selves, but if Aunt Abigail can’t seem to remember your preferred pronouns, try not to let it get under your skin. It’s tedious, but remember it takes some folks time to get it right. That said, don’t flee to the back of the closet if someone in your family is being a jerk about your sexual orientation or gender expression. If they’re being disrespectful, politely call them on it, then remove yourself from their immediate area, if possible. Maybe go see if MeeMaw wants you to open that bottle of wine. 

Save the drama for the day after! Unless you want 2022 to be henceforth renamed “the year Joey ruined Christmas for grandma,” give a second thought to delivering dinnertime revelations like, “Pass the stuffing. And oh yeah, I’m pansexual and that doesn’t mean I love cookware.” The holidays are stressful enough for everyone already. If you really do need to deliver any “big news,” do it over drumsticks the next day.

Don’t skip breakfast! Research has shown that it can ruin your mood and lead you to overeat later. Studies have even linked skipping breakfast to depression. So have a small, protein-packed meal like a hard-boiled egg and a glass of juice or kefir, some yogurt, or some fruit. Chances are, you’ll be loading on the carbs later in the day, so skip heavy breakfasts like pancakes or pastries and save it for stuffing and pies.

Eat light! Which sounds crazy, right? Your mom just put out a dozen little bowls of dips and chips and cheese and crackers and those tiny little pigs in a blanket, all begging to be stuffed in your mouth. It’s your job to walk that line between holiday and heartburn. Some good advice: make healthy-ish choices. Doctors advise that you eat regularly and mindfully, especially during the holidays. Indulge in a few greasy goodies if you must, but don’t graze like a wildebeest; take a tiny plate and pack it first with crudites and hummus instead of dips; cheeses and meats sans crackers; and nuts instead of chips. Eat mindfully, move away from the food when you’re done, and wait 10 minutes before you refill your plate, to let your brain catch up with your stomach. You won’t fill up as much before dinner, and the protein will give you the energy you need to get through the night.

Get outside! If your family is a happy family and you go outside and play football, then do that. If your family is like everyone else’s, then fester with resentment inside until your top almost pops off, then grab the dog leash and take Rover for a walk. During a recent visit with my folks, we took daily trips to area dog parks, despite them having a three-acre backyard. The simple truth is that fresh air boosts your mental health. Studies show that people who spend time in natural environments have higher cognitive function, stronger immune systems, less stress and depression. Going outside can even improve your sleep and work performance. 

Exercise really is key. So, you’re cramping your six-foot frame into your childhood bunk bed, with your teenage nephew racked out in the bunk above. What to do? You’ve got to find some time to exercise and reconnect. Do 15 minutes of yoga to start your morning out on the right foot. There are plenty of free videos on YouTube; I do SaraBeth Yoga every morning and it helps me reconnect with my body and have a better day. 

Experts advise that you schedule an early workout to start your day strong and use your lunch break to take a walk around your office building or take the steps back up to boost your heart rate. After all the happy hours and holiday parties, take a few minutes at the end of your day to stretch your hips and back. Keeping your body moving will help you get through the holidays feeling good and will set you up to succeed at those familiar get-fit New Year’s resolutions.  

Go toward the light! A lot of the trappings of the holiday season can actually help to improve your mood. Putting up festive Christmas lights gives many folks something positive to anticipate, and looking at those twinkling lights reminds them of the joys of childhood.  Doctors say these bright lights can trigger dopamine, the brain’s ‘feel good’ chemical. It creates a physiological response from the nervous system that can make you more alert, more aware, and bring about feelings of happiness. 

Ditto for seasonal decorations. So haul out the tinsel and get together with your fam and friends to create what psychologist Deborah Serani called “that neurological shift that produces happiness.” Aka, deck the halls. Hanukkah is all about the lights as well, so get your dopamine dreidel spinning! And don’t forget the brightly colored decorations. Dr. Serani said chromotherapy (color therapy) is thought to increase energy levels and boost happiness as part of our neuro-architecture. So, head out with the family to a Christmas market or annual lights display. 

If your childhood holiday memories aren’t all that great, experts say it’s a great time to start a new tradition, be it traveling, taking your family to a movie or other group event, or even volunteering at a local soup kitchen or charity. Make a positive memory, they say, and the next time the holidays roll around, your subconscious will pull up the new, happier memory instead. 

Sit down and watch some cheesy holiday movies, like the ones on Hallmark. Behavioral scientist Pamela Rutledge says that the reliable plot formulas and unlikely scenarios (like, whose real-life boyfriend ever turned out to be a secret prince?) “draw on the standard patterns we recognize from fairy tales and offer comfort by presenting life as simple and moralistic.” Identifying with the movies’ protagonists brings simplistic solutions to holiday stressors like family conflict, isolation, and financial pressures, and makes us feel more optimistic and resilient. She says we can all use these movies to remember what we value most, and to give us hope about our possibilities. Think about how the story might apply to you, and use the narrative to offset stress, depression, and anxiety. 

A couple of my favorites are the excellent Holiday in Handcuffs (not a BDSM flick), featuring Melissa Joan Hart as a flaky waitress who kidnaps Mario Lopez’s character and presents him to her family as her fiancé. It’s cheesy and has serious issues around Stockholm Syndrome, but I love it. No letters, please. Another great (meaning awful) one is my baby sister’s favorite, A Very Merry Mix-Up. In this cinematic masterpiece, Alicia Witt plays a city girl with a real estate mogul fiancé who is trying to sell her father’s antique store from under her, while accidentally sending her to a strange family’s house for Christmas. It’s quirky and fun, and once the main character Alice is reunited with her horribly mismatched in every way fiancé, she makes their family spend Christmas Eve playing ‘the note game.’ Everyone writes something nice down about each person in the room and puts the slip of paper in an empty cup. Then each person reads their cup full of compliments aloud and tries to guess who wrote it. If your family is into it, try to play this with them. Hopefully it will end better than it did in the movie. 

And whether you’re celebrating at your home or back in your hometown, make plans with a pal for the days following a big family gathering. Research from the American Psychiatric Association shows that reconnecting with friends can create positive feelings of surprise and appreciation. Call your old high-school friends and meet for drinks that weekend. Not only will it make them feel special to know someone remembered them and reached out, but it will boost the person who initiated contact more than they might know. In addition, maintaining relationships with current friends can also reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, and raise self-esteem. So, take your best gay to a matinee that Friday. Or schedule a Zoom call with your BFFs who can help boost you back up if anything not-so-great happened during your treasured time with your family. 

Because most likely, something will. Life is messy, and families are the root of that mess. Although we love them, they drive us batty. So, show yourself some love this holiday season by girding your loins for the crazy that will ensue. Oh, and resist the urge to loan that teenage nephew your old driver’s license you found under that Swatch box. It sounds like a hilarious setup for cross-generational hijinks, but it never turns out good.