Get In Bitches, We’re Going to Therapy
People often hear of couples attending therapy together within the context of failing or strained marriages. Additionally, many believe that couples therapy is only for married couples. However, all couples, whether they have been dating for 2 months or 20 years, can benefit from couples therapy. Couples therapy can be used as a preventative measure as much as it can be used to find solutions to existing issues. While I would never describe my relationship as perfect, I also wouldn’t describe it as strained either. Like all couples, my fiancé and I have challenges that we face within our relationship, but it is a healthy relationship nonetheless. However, some of those issues stem from unresolved trauma. And, while it is possible to grow and heal trauma on your own, it can be notably much harder than doing so with a knowledgeable mental health professional.
This year, my fiancé and I have started attending couples therapy in the hopes that we are able to effectively and efficiently work through some of our existing challenges together. Through therapy, we each hope to get to know one another better, understand one another better, and develop and implement the skills needed to be the best partner for one another. I admittedly feel that my unresolved trauma weighs heavier on our relationship than anything else, so I also hope that this will give me tools to better understand and help myself as an individual.
After all, she isn’t a mental health professional and her toolbox is only but so full of ways of helping me.
So far, we have attended two sessions with our new therapist and I honestly feel like it has already begun to help me. While my fiancé does her best to hold space for me whenever I need it and supports me thoroughly, there are times that I feel like her understanding and comfort can only help so much. After all, she isn’t a mental health professional and her toolbox is only but so full of ways of helping me. She of course has already helped me grow and heal in many areas, but we both have always known that therapy would be an excellent option to facilitate my healing journey. Now that opportunity for us to go to therapy is an option, we are both optimistic about its outcomes. Each session has looked a little different, but I have left both feeling lighter than when I went in, and that’s a win.
Although I am aware that often behavior is not a reaction to current events but a response to the past, talking things through with a therapist helps identify the difference between the two. For a long time, I often reacted to situations purely with anger because I didn’t know how to express any other emotion such as sadness or disappointment. Instead, I was just always angry or annoyed about everything. Learning how to be sad, disappointed, uncomfortable, etc. is something that I’m working on and that will eventually help me communicate my feelings more efficiently with my partner and everyone else that I encounter.
I understand that not everyone has access to mental healthcare, as I haven’t for many years, but if it is something at your disposal then I do highly recommend it–even if you think you don’t need it. We can all use an unbiased party that just has our best interest in mind. Whether it’s alone, with a partner, a friend, or with a spouse, therapy can be a real blessing– don’t let shame stop you from becoming the best version of yourself. Q
