Deep Dive: Creating Agency with the Everyday
Whether you are a fan of it or not, being part of youth culture will inevitably involve alcohol and recreational drugs.There is an abundance of opportunities to engage with these substances whether at social gatherings, after work to relax, or just a glass of wine at a restaurant. It can be a social lubricant for some or, in the case with cannabis, helpful for management of anxiety. Regardless, it will hold a presence in more than just a few spaces.
A few months back I had a conversation with some friends who had both recently decided to quit the use of recreational drugs and alcohol. One friend talked about cutting alcohol for their emotional health, saying it left them feeling more down during the stressful times. The other explained how they needed to pull back on their cannabis use and ask themselves more “why do I want this?”. I was inspired by this mature reflection. So often, but especially in your 20s, there isn’t always an environment created to ask yourself why you participate or don’t with substances. Even more, if you do enjoy using these substances, there is rarely a conversation about how that comes with building a relationship with it.
At the end of this month I will be participating in my first half marathon. This was never something I had intended on pursuing or even something I knew how to train for. My partner had signed up to participate and I thought it would be nice for her to have someone to train with. So, at the beginning of January we embarked on a months-long training program to get us ready for the race this May. As we went further and further along in the training I found myself constantly thinking about my body and checking in with it. Everyday I was trying to make sure I never put too much stress on it as we increased our distance. I was asking questions constantly: “should I stretch this more?” “how am I feeling today?” “Does my body need more rest or can we do the 7 mile run?”. There was so much involved physically with the training, but what I wasn't prepared for was the mental workout that came with it.
Towards the end of the process I made a deal with myself that I would cut out all usage of recreational alcohol and drugs a month before the race. I wanted to see if this perhaps gave me some sort of edge or improvement in my performance. What I didn’t realize was how much it would lead me down another set of these mental gymnastics. Everyday during the month I kept checking in only this time there was more centered on the lack of substances: “How does mind feel? My emotions?”, “Was this easier than before?”, “Am I more focused while running?”. It shot me back to the conversation with my friends. There began a day to day routine of engagement I had never thought to form. Thus the impact I saw manifested, was on my agency to have a relationship with the recreational substances I use.
As I come to the end of this month without usage, the difference before and after isn’t as dramatic as perhaps I thought it would be. I will probably go back to how I participated with those substances before I started training. Only now I have a stronger skill built to ask myself how and why I want to participate, and that is empowering. This isn’t to say this is a solution for real usage problems, such as addiction; for that you should consult professionals. It isn’t even to judge yourself if you just purely enjoy using substances. What it is is an offer of the tool of curiosity. It can lead you toward discovering more about your power in making decisions on behalf of what you want. We don’t always get to practice that skill, and it can be a stepping stone for other places in your life to have that same curiosity. Building conscious relationships with the things we interact with daily, no matter how small they might seem, is, if anything, a reminder that we have more power than we think. If we give ourselves permission to slow down and ask questions it can build a foundation of stepping into that power we might not have had access to previously.
