Writer and performer Frank DeCaro is a TV and pop historian best known for his work on The Daily Show. His partner Jim Colucci is a freelance entertainment writer who has written numerous tomes on The Golden Girls. We caught up with the two during the holidays at their home in Little Falls, NJ.

I always tell him, “If you loved Chinese food, you’d be perfect.”

My name is: Frank DeCaro

And I am a: Writer/Performer

My partner’s name is: Jim Colucci

And he is a: New York Times bestselling author of Golden Girls Forever

We’ve been together since: 1996

And we live in: Los Angeles and New Jersey

With our dog: An adorable but constantly barking Boston Terrier named Gabby

My partner is most attractive to me when… Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a handsome man across the room at a party, turn to give the guy a good look, and realize, “Oh, that’s my husband.”

But the one thing I wish I could change about him is: I always tell him, “If you loved Chinese food, you’d be perfect.”

My partner pampers me with… Patience, enthusiasm, and joie de vivre.

And challenges/brings out the best in me by: Always being my biggest fan and sharpest critic. 

One thing I wished we had in common, but am now glad we don’t, is: Pretention. If I’d married a snob, I would have been insufferable.

I rely on my partner most for…A good laugh and lunch money.

But it drives me crazy when he: Thinks he’s right about everything, even if he usually is.

Our relationship is closed/open/ajar/nunya biz…Our eyes are open, but the rest of our body parts are closed.

But my celebrity ‘Hall Pass’ is: Richard Thomas of The Waltons. I’ve always wanted to whisper in his ear, “Goodnight, John Boy.”

The strangest place we ever made ‘whoopee’ was: It wasn’t that strange, but we still talk about Boston.

There is not an unadorned, tchotchke-free surface in our home.

My name is: Jim Colucci

And I am a: TV writer and entertainment journalist

My partner’s name is:  Frank DeCaro

And he is a: Writer/performer and the author of Drag: Combing Through the Big Wigs of Show Business.

We’ve been together since: 1996, when I first read his memoir, A Boy Named Phyllis, and fell in love with him before page two.

And we live in: Los Angeles and New Jersey

With our dog: A demanding, alpha Boston terrier named Gabby, who can get a cookie out of me with just a blink of those big brown eyes, and knows she’ll never be punished for being naughty. I’m bad at discipline, so now I’m her bitch. 

My partner is most attractive to me when…  I see how smart and how kind he is. He’s another one who can get anything out of me with just a blink of those big brown eyes. A close second is when he’s taking a delicious meal out of the oven. I can’t cook, which is why it’s always important to marry an Italian who can.

But the one thing I wish I could change about them is: Compulsive shopping and collecting. There is not an unadorned, tchotchke-free surface in our home to set something down on.

My partner pampers me with… Support, advice, and the best eggnog cheesecake you could ever imagine.

And challenges/brings out the best in me by: Encouraging me to experience new forms of art, and getting me outside my comfort zone.

One thing I wished we had in common, but am now glad we don’t, is:  An aversion to Chinese food. Actually, it’s good that he likes it so much, because that’s when I get to go out and grab myself a pizza.

I rely on my partner most for… Laughs! I am married to the funniest, smartest person, and we laugh from the moment we awaken until going to bed at night—and sometimes even after.

But it drives me crazy when he: Farts while we’re watching TV.

Our relationship is closed/open/ajar/nunya biz… Closed. He’s ALL mine…despite the aforementioned flatulence.

But my celebrity ‘Hall Pass’ is:  Victor Webster. But I don’t actually know all that much about him, other than that he’s handsome. I just hope he’s not a Republican.

The strangest place we ever made ‘whoopee’ was: Parked directly in front of his parents’ house—and they were home at the time. We were young then.