Thoughtfulness is something that I am known for. I pay attention to the small details that make up a person. Thus, thoughtfulness is something that I also value and desire from my loved ones. How do you see me? Thoughtfulness will always answer that question. The ways in which friends and family show up for me express how they view and value our relationship. However, thoughtfulness is not always something that people innately are in tune with. Or, they don’t know how to outwardly express it. Because of this, a lack of thoughtfulness has always been a strain in many of my relationships, both romantic and platonic.

My fiancé knows that I have anxiety and an understanding of mental health has always been something that bonded us. Recently, my anxiety has been pretty overwhelming. We’ve had some really vulnerable conversations regarding my mental health and the struggles that I’ve been enduring. Sometime after our most recent mental health check-in/ discussion, she told me that she had started reading some new books and wanted to share some snippets with me. She was reading books about sexual trauma as well as books about anxiety.

One night, soon after she had begun reading these books, we were laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep and she began sharing some of the things that she found interesting in her new “research.” She was so excited. “I want to help you babe and I’m learning a lot of good stuff that I think will allow me to do that,” she said. “I found some exercises that I would like to try with you when you are ready,” she continued.

My fiancé has always been thoughtful. It was one of the things that impressed me most about her when we first started dating. But overtime, her thoughtfulness lost its luster. I got used to it as it was now a very common part of my life and our relationship– it was expected. While I never stopped being appreciative of her thoughtfulness, it didn’t overcome me like it did when we first met– since at that point it was something that I had rarely been on the receiving end of.

However, at that moment, I was standing in my room opening my first gift from her all over again. The thought and care that she was expressing was unlike anything that I had experienced before. I felt so seen and valued. She was taking time out of her own life to research and learn about the things that I struggle with so that she could try to make my life a little bit easier. It was the most extravagant act of love–I was floored. I began crying. While I was no stranger to her thoughtfulness, this was different. My trauma was telling me that I didn’t deserve that type of love and that I would never actually be with someone that would show me they loved me in such a selfless way.

It was an act of service that I had not anticipated, but was so overwhelmed with joy to have experienced. I have always struggled with feelings of being invisible and feeling like I didn’t really matter to those in my life, but being with my fiancé has given me one of my most valued gifts in life– to feel seen. As she spoke to me in her excited little tone, smiling back at me as she read her book excerpts it was like she was holding a mirror up to my face. She sees me. And we all deserve nothing less. Q